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Hope

The 2 year anniversary of my car accident is approaching. June 13. After all this time, I have finally gotten the inspiration to write a little about my road to recovery.

Let me preface this by saying I had far more than 1 “bad” day during my recovery, I had countless “bad” days… days where the pain was almost unbearable, days I doubted myself, days where I questioned God and His purpose for me, and days where I loathed the man who hit us. But, the first day in Physical Therapy…  was by far the worst!

The first PT session out of the hospital went like this:
Barely able to stand but finding the strength to take baby steps with my walker, I hobbled down the handicap ramp my parents had built for me. I was biting my lip in pain with every move. My Aunt, a Registered Nurse, was taking me to see my physical therapist. All I had to do was make it down those two steps now covered in a handicap ramp…. I looked up at my Aunt to see her looking at me with such pity and sorrow. Thankfully, she didn’t ask if she could help me because she knows my determined nature.

Something that would have normally taken 2 seconds flat, took close to 10 minutes. Walking outside, getting into the soccer-mom-Jean-Claude-Damme-minivan!!

The same situation happened when I got to the pt place, except we were in a handicap PARKING SPOT! I hobbled and wobbled… scooted and drug my way into the office. Sounds like I went a long way, huh? Nope… It only equaled about 20 normal steps.

Once inside, I sat down, let her do all the paperwork and talking. I was pissed. I was in pain. I was completely defeated. I was thinking…” here I am, 26 years old, using a walker to get around, and I can’t even exist without pain..”


Interrupted by a lady calling my name.

Here come the questions “JUST SHOOT ME! PLEASE” I screamed in my head while she asked “what happened?” I tuned the others out until “whats broken?” I looked her dead in her eyes and said dryly “it’ll be shorter to tell you what’s NOT broken. My arms, legs, and my feet. Everything else is broken. Heart, too! Can we please just get started” [I had a broken neck, back, 2 broken ribs, 4 pelvic fractures, and a broken tailbone.]

I wish I could totally blame all of that remark on my brain injuries…. but I probably would have said the same thing “normally”… I hope with a little more couth.

The woman didn’t show even the slightest amount of impatience… even with my attitude. She walked beside me informing me of what we were going to be doing. “Treadmill……. slowly…….. your speed” were the words that impeded and interrupted my thoughts.

Once on the treadmill, I walked .5 mph… 1/2 OF A MILE AN HOUR!!!! And it HURT! “THIS ISN’T FAIR!!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? I WISH I WOULD HAVE JUST DIED WITH JEREMY” were the thoughts going though my head.

I “walked” for a few minutes on the treadmill and then I did a few more things until I couldn’t take it anymore…

I went back to the waiting area in this small office (just a few steps from the treadmill) sat down, and cried. Not just a few-tears-cry… a full on boohooing! IN PUBLIC! My pride was as deflated as a busted balloon.

Rock bottom.

In my tears and my defeat, a slow peace came over me…

The van ride home was in complete silence, interrupted only by my double breathing spasms from crying so hard.

It was in that 20 minute stretch of time that I realized I would never recover from this if I didn’t change my attitude and my mindset. This ‘oh-woe-is-me’ demeanor is DEAD!

The pain…

Pain = HEALING  I convinced myself. Trying to find at least one positive, I discovered that the high metabolic state my body was is in from repairing it’s self… allowed for all kinds of BAD eating without much consequence!! So, I would “reward” myself after great pt sessions with a hamburger and a peanut butter milkshake from my favorite local joint.

The advice my Md’s would give me…Most of it seemed to be crap! But, I did get some great advice- let my own body be my guide. ****Listen to your body! If it hurts, STOP.**** 

Ditching my walker became a family affair. I’d ask my parents to face me, scoot my walker back- just a weeeee little out of reach, and I would baby step towards it. Knowing it was always “there” really helped to develop the strength and endurance I needed to walk again, on my own.

The final turning point for me was that July. I was at the beach with my entire family, even my Marine brother had taken vacation time to be with us…

I can say this confidently. I draw enough attention being 6’ tall. So, can you imagine the spectacle of a 6’ tall blonde scooting her way down the beach with a WALKER?? The most embarrassing thing for me, however, was seeing the tracks I left behind and getting my walker balls stuck in the sand.

“SCREW THIS” I said to my brother. I folded up my walker, held it in my right hand, and stuck my left arm in his and demanded that he “help me walk around!” “I’m tired of all these yahoos staring at me. What a bunch of morons” He smiled and told me that he’d help.

That was the last time I used the walker.

I have come a long way in these past 2 years and I have achieved the goals I’ve set for myself.
Skydive all 50 States- check
Get my Coach Rating- Check
Complete my D-license requirements- CHECK!
Become a Tandem Instructor- CHECK!

I’ve learned to keep my head high even when I’m faced with adversity and doubt. I have learned that perseverance isn’t just a single act, or in a single moment, it’s a lifestyle dedicated to overcoming trials and troubles.

I’ve learned how truly precious life is.

I’ve learned that nothing is possible without God.

For those of you who are facing difficult times, have faith that your pain will pass. Is there something you want to achieve? Find a way to make it happen. Put that walker just out of reach and WORK to take those steps!

None of us know how much time we have left on this earth…. How often do you hear someone express their regret because they put off something they wanted to accomplish?  Don’t be THAT person.  Live for the moment you HAVE… RIGHT NOW…

Brief update :)

Every day I get asked “Why do you skydive?”

 

My answer… Why do you breathe?  Why do you blink?  (To the smart alec’s…. spare me the medical reasons for those last two questions. :D)

 

How can I explain it? 

 “More than anything else the sensation is one of perfect peace mingled with an excitement that strains every nerve to the utmost, if you can conceive of such a combination.” Said Wilbur Wright about flying but that, pretty much, sums up skydiving for me.

 

For those seconds, I am as free as a bird. I have the entire sky as my playground!  I can go as fast as I want with no worries of getting a speeding ticket.  I can fly my wingsuit and soar like an eagle.  As a child (and to this day, actually) I find myself staring at the sky watching the birds and butterflies frolic. I am at my happiest floating amongst the clouds. I feel closer to God and imagine that’s the view He has.

 

My new adventure has begun.  After spending Christmas with my family, my 3 day cross-country-trek began.  The destination?  VEGAS, baby! 

 

2200 miles.  36 hours of driving. 

 

Gnomie (my garden gnome who’s traveled the world with me) in tow.  My reasoning for a location change to? To become proficient in camera flying and to get my tandem rating. And frankly, to make sure it would be a beneficial investment to move across the country. I gave it a 2 month trial period before I bit the proverbial bullet to go back to the east coast, load up a moving truck and make that same journey again with all my stuff.

 

So, here I am… in the middle of the dessert residing in a city that has no boundaries, no limitations, and “HOT HOT GIRLS DELIVERED TO YOU”… 24 hour buffets, human cows grazing on the street food, guys dressed up as Transformers collecting tips from tourists who want a photo, and the occasional crack-addict homeless prostitute who’d “give a hand-job for a hamburger”. 

Little country girl from small town, Georgia is in another world, lol. Please imagine me saying that in a country accent wearing a blue plaid sundress and big white hat ;)

But, I am living my dream; I am skydiving almost daily and I am cooking almost daily, too!   Faith+ Family +Friends +Flying + (good) FOOD= perfect life for me!

 

I’ll wrap it up ‘cause I just don’t have much to say. I am so happy with life and hope you are, too!

 

I will leave you with this…

 

DON’T MISS LOVE. It’s an incredible gift. I love to think that the day you’re born, you’re given the world as your birthday present. It frightens me to think that so few people even bother to open up the ribbon! Rip it open! Tear off the top! It’s just full of love and magic and joy and wonder and pain and tears. All of the things that are your gift for being human.

//// An introduction (condensed) ////

­Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Nicole.  I’m 28 years old. The following is a condensed version of the past three years of my life.

January 29, 2010
My husband died.  That sent my world into a spin.  I had been with him, practically, my entire adult life. Having that taken away turned everything I knew upside down. I spent the next 10 months reacclimating my life; trying to find something that made sense.  

I had done 4 tandem skydives… one every year around my birthday, since I was 22.  I never had the time (or the courage, frankly) to commit to doing it on my own.  After a lot of research and soul searching, I mustered up enough courage to do it on my own.

January 7, 2011
After taking to Hans Paulson (DZO at Skydive the Farm), I went to Skydive the Farm in Rockmart, GA for AFF ground school.  Because of the high winds, I was unable to jump that day.  I went back the following weekend and completed level 1-3 with both Jeremy Marston and Miki Baranowski.  I INSTANTLY fell in love with skydiving and was immediately attracted to Jeremy.  Jeremy and I started dating within the week and I soon found myself falling in love, again.

June 13, 2011
Jeremy and I were a mile from his apartment, heading home from a picnic in the park.  We stopped by Redbox to grab a movie.  Leaving the parking lot, going through a green light a guy ran the red light at 65 miles per hour and t-boned us- hitting the drivers side door.  Jeremy was driving and didn’t survive the accident.

I was in critical condition.  I had to be flown via Life Flight to a hospital in Atlanta. I sustained a broken neck, back, tailbone, punctured lung, 2 broken ribs, 4 pelvic fractures, and 2 brain injuries.  The doctors informed my family of my injuries and prepared them for the worst.  My mom and dad were told, because of my brain injuries, I may never be able to have a normal conversation again.  On top of that, they were told I would never be able to walk again.  But, in the off chance I did recover from the pelvic injuries and regained my ability to walk, I would never do it without an aid or without a limp.  My mother and father were given a 2 inch thick stack of papers preparing them for my long term care.

I spent 11 total days in the hospital (none of which I remember) and went through 8 months of grueling physical therapy.  

I am happy to say that I started walking, with a walker, 10 days after the accident, on my own in 10 weeks with NO limp and NO cane, and skydiving again in November.

I returned to work at the beginning of August.  After three weeks, I decided  to quit my job as a District Manager for a large specialty retail company.  I had a comfortable life and I had been with the company since my Sophomore year in college (2003) but the desire to do this job was no longer in my heart.

During my rehabilitation, I had time to focus on what is really important in life.  It was no longer about the job, the nice house, the sports cars. No!  I realized LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE CONSUMED BY MATERIALISTIC CLUTTER. So, I quickly began to get rid of the things holding me back- the house, the car, and a large majority of the things in my house. It was time to knock some things off my “bucket list”.

That takes us to TODAY.  My love for skydiving has become an obsession.  Wilbur Wright said it best “More than anything else the sensation is one of perfect peace mingled with an excitement that strains every nerve to the utmost, if you can conceive of such a combination.”

The first thing (well, the first 50 things) I am going to knock off my bucket list:

Skydiving all 50 states!

I anticipate this trip taking 4-5 months and I will try to document it every step of the way.  Wish me luck.

Blue Skies!

UPDATE:
As of 8-18-12  I have completed ALL 50 states.  Check out my blog for the list of states and Dropzone names, information, and my experiences.  TemptPhate01.tumblr.com

Check it out….

I’ve been having a TON of fun this summer :)

http://youtu.be/M43nD4gAIoE


// The Finale Video is POSTED!!! CHECK IT OUT :)//

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ad2U4DFqmwU&feature=youtu.be



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